Struggling

I almost tossed a flippant, “that’s it. That’s the blog.” And pressed post but that’s not helpful to me later (I won’t have any idea what was causing me strife) or now (not working through the problem would mean all I’ve done is complain.) So let’s consider what has me vexed.

• I think my brain is lying to me. Getting out of bed to start my day is a struggle. Once I’m up I’m good and keep going but getting to that place? Rough.

• Habits? What habits? I want to change how I do some things and enjoy my life better in the process. A recent update:

  • I haven’t gone to the gym since February 23. I enjoy working out but I just haven’t gone.

  • Spanish— other than talking to people in real life (all happy accidents) I haven’t practiced in close to a month. It just… it’s not a habit so I don’t remember. But making it a habit is the goal. Since I’m not meeting that goal I am going to reconsider my methodology.

  • Cooking. Lol no. I have cooked more but I’ve also had moments of “I’d rather go to sleep than cook.” I don’t know what to do with that.

  • Writing. Not terrible, actually. Haven’t published much but some direct journaling has happened.

• My clothes don’t fit right. It’s… annoying at best and demoralizing at its worst. Additionally, enough of my clothes are worn out that I’ll have to do big shopping soon. It’s been 2-3 years and I don’t know what to buy. Which is a whole different thing.

• I owe taxes. This is this first time this happened to me and I’m annoyed to the max.

I think the reason I’m struggling overall is because it’s difficult to make decisions sometimes. None of these concerns (or the ones I omitted) are insurmountable. But choosing where to start gets tiresome and exhausting. So I spend my time working more and just ignoring the symbolic (and literal) piles of clothes.

But tomorrow really is laundry day. Because I really am struggling there, too. Closet full of empty hangers. Drawers empty. Whew.